The Bible Guarantees the End of the World is Coming…Or Your Money Back

End of the world predictions have been around, well, since practically forever. One thing is for certain—they make a really great theme ride in your indoor cycling classes. Why? Because the musical choices are so fun, and you can assemble some silly and creative doomsday stories.

Some prophecies are more publicized than others. Thanks to the mainstream media coverage for the widely publicized apocalypse date back in September of 2015, a longtime member put together a really fun End of The World profile. Fortunately, we all lived to do this profile again…and again…and again.

Apparently, it’s time to pull it out yet again. According to this list of predictions of the end of the world, there are at least three more possibilities for end-time-theme-ride fun in 2018 alone. It also gives predictions for the next few million years, just in case you were worried you couldn’t use it again.

We missed a big one in April. Dang! But apparently, it was this preacher’s fifth try at predicting—and failing—that we would cease to exist.

Not to worry. On May 20, the bible guarantees the end is nigh, this time with great accuracy and consternation:

May 20 2018 Pentecost claims that…
1) That day is a day of wrath,
2) A day of trouble and distress,
3) A day of wasteness and desolation,
4) A day of darkness and gloominess,
5) A day of clouds and thick darkness
6) A day of destruction from the Almighty.
7) A day cruel both with wrath and fierce anger
8) A day when God will destroy the sinners thereof out of it
9) A day when God will punish the world for their evil
10) A day when God will silence the arrogancy of the proud to cease
11) A day when God will return as a thief in the night
12) A day when the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat

Oooh, there’s a lot to unpack there for a fun doomsday theme!

When that date fails—or you just don’t have time to fit it in before the end date—why not celebrate the next end of the world, on June 28, 2018. (It’s in French, but suffice it to say, if they go, we all go.)

And, if that one fails too, this guy, Hal Lindsey, is going for his third second coming at an unknown date in 2018. (That’s good for us instructors—we can pull this one out any time we want!)

Here’s my suggestion. Take Lisa’s profile above (and also posted below, though it still references 2015), and use it as-is but just change the date.

Or, if you want to create your own apocalyptic story, use our End of the World Spotify playlist and start perusing this list of past, present, and future predictions. You’ll find great humor in the descriptions of the repeated prophesies. Simply click on the linked events, doomsday preachers, and the footnotes. You’ll be taken to a wacky world of doomsday predictions and conspiracy theories, including:

  • Rapture/second coming
  • Asteroid collisions (oh so many of them!)
  • UFOs
  • World War III
  • Worldwide economic collapse
  • The Illuminati
  • Armageddon
  • Norse mythology
  • Lunar eclipses

Have fun with this, and if you create an end-of-the-world profile you want to share, please let us know. There are plenty more dates in the future to pull it out again.

End of the World Playlist

    

End of the World Profile and Playlist

    

2 Responses to “The Bible Guarantees the End of the World is Coming…Or Your Money Back”

  1. Larry Kenney says:

    There was great feedback the last time I ran this profile – a little different than the usual holiday theme. I can suggest a few more tracks:
    “One Last Night on Earth” – Dada Life
    “4 Minutes” – Madonna ft JT and Timbaland
    “Centuries” – Fall Out Boy

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